The Great Masturbator

- Have you ever masturbated?, - he started laughing.
- I think everyone has masturbated at least once in their life!? I remember I used to go to my wife after being with my mistress and then I would do it myself a couple more times. It is as if I could not get enough of it. And you… are you doing that

-  I do not need men at all. I can do everything myself. They just spoil everything. They interfere with my fantasies. 
- I get it-he said smiling-as for me, I am the Great Masturbator! 

- «You are just a fool, not the great masturbator…» 

From a novel

-Oh, him, he is a masturbator, - fellow classmates laugh at the over-driven, fat sixth-grader. His hands are covered with red spots from doing it. Nobody even says “Hi” to him! 

Those things quickly become common knowledge (parents expressed their worries too loudly and on too many occasions they beat their child, this is the reason for it). This story don't happen only in the forgotten past, but can appear as recent as yesterday. A story like that, if revealed to the public, becomes a life-long shame for any unfortunate masturbator. This frightening word was a stigma for them. It was almost as awful as the word “black marketer”. The former, as well as the latter were dishonoring the good names of their family, school, and even country.

- I’d better cripple you, - the father warns his underage daughter, his voice is low, but his manner is very convincing- I may as well kill you, but you will not grow up being a whore. I promise you that! 

The visual type Mom cries about this, the anal type Dad humiliates them, Grandmothers scream at the top of their lungs, insane Grandfathers threaten them with hell, but the sin of masturbation is still alive and keeps disturbing the peaceful minds of children, as well as their parents. 

A kindergarten teacher reprimands them… guests look askance at the boy who keeps putting his hands under the table at a dinner party…parents are crazy about dressing their poorly managed daughter in loose fitting clothes…. They keep bringing those children to all kinds of psychologists…they spend hours surfing the net in search of rescue.

And these are the answers they can stumble upon. Sometimes this is what can be offered by modern psychologists:
(Author’s comments are in brackets)

1) « Observe their daily routine, if the child gets used to going to sleep early, he will forget to masturbate». (Dear psychologist, do you forget to have sex when you come home early? You should realize that a child has no problem at all finding time for doing it. He can do it during the day.) 

2) «Pay no attention to that» (This is great advice. I suggest you take a tour in dental clinics and advice the patients there to just ignore their toothaches as well.)

3) « Offer him a toy to play with, a puzzle or some Legos to assemble, or to play with a ball, the important thing is to keep his hands occupied». (This means that the problem is with their hands, not with their mind?... Perhaps it will make more sense to keep his mind busy?)

4) «Dress him in loose clothing». (This way it is even more convenient to masturbate!)

5) «Put his hands on the blanket without explaining why you are doing that". (Then let us just go ahead and tie him down to the bed! And do not bother to explain the reason for doing that!)

And one more thing.
     
«However, if your child starts masturbating at the age of 8 to 10 make sure you consult a child psychiatrist or sexologist. Early masturbation is one of the signs of hyper sexuality and other diseases». (And then the time comes for all kinds of muffling medicine, because this is a definite sign of the hyperactivity, which we fear as we would fear a plague, and, thus, it should be stopped at the root… Along with the essence of your beloved child…)

Is masturbation that awful? And why do both adults and children engage in it? Are the reasons and the outcome of this activity similar for everyone or do they differ from person to person? 

The professor had a daughter. One sunny, summer day a small model skeleton fell from the bookcase that was bursting with books and belonged to this professor, an honorable man, and broke into pieces. A grand take-down took place in the cabinet; the professor was scolding his “negligent” student daughter. 

The professor’s Mother-in-Law whispered to other family members with tears in her eyes:
- He caught her doing that... What a shame. Such a good girl… so active. And she is a masturbator.

He hit her, humiliated her. And the same night she tried to destroy the most precious thing in his life; she tried to burn the library…

And urethral type daughter of an anal type father is a quite an ordeal for anyone. Such a girl starts masturbating from the age of six; this is a pubescent atavism (precisely at the age of six) that has been taking place since primordial times.

She becomes sexually active at a relatively early age compared to all others; it is easy for her to feel a vaginal orgasm without preliminary stimulation. She prefers penetration. Masturbation is just the beginning of her long sexual journey. A urethral type girl does not acknowledge any prohibitions or limitations, but she did not grow up yet and, thus, she cannot have sexual relations. Everything she has now belongs to herself, alone with her body.

But as soon as she grows up, masturbation will stop because real sexual relations will start. . Such a girl knows no limitations; she will date the person she wants to. Thus, the masturbation period will change into another one.
 
What to do?

Do not panic, do not hit her! Do not humiliate her. She can turn around and hit you back. And then she as a tendency has all chances to to become a lesbian in the future. But she will not stop masturbating or having sex as much as she feels fit. This is not immorality. This is her natural role to continue the human race. It is impossible to forbid that. But it is easy to to damage her psyche. 

Audial type girls start masturbating for other reasons. Usually there are two of them. It is self-discovery and relief of negative states in the aduial vector. 

When the audial vector is not satisfied she does not know how to escape this unbearable pain and subconsciously tries to get down into her lower vectors. The aduial vector is completely asexual and the accent on sexuality is a way of temporary covering the audial lack. This is the way she can acquire an obsessive habit of masturbating several times a day. That does not actually satisfy her; it just provides a temporary relief. 

With time such a girl starts exploring not just her own body, but her internal world as well; physical self-discovery is just the first step on her path of getting to know herself. Thus, the only important thing here is to direct the child in the necessary direction, help her to gain the perspective of self-search within the audial vector. 

A dermal-visual girl can just change partners, literally like she changes gloves, instead of masturbating. If she gets herself a new partner every day, she can think that maybe it will eventually get easier? It does not matter whether or not she has a partner, or who this partner is; this is all just an instrument. 

The relatively lower libido that is present in the dermal vector and in addition it is substantially weakened by the audial vector does not allow a stable attraction to the same partner. She feels the coitus as nothing more than just a mechanical act. There is also the dermal novelty factor which couples her effort to alleviate her suffering and a new partner’s body. But the relief achieved in such a manner does not last and in the long term is completely empty. 

However, speaking about an adult audial woman, it should be noted that there is nothing wrong with her masturbation, unless those states become obsessive for the reasons mentioned before. In such cases no concentration on herself takes place, on the contrary, masturbation as a way of getting to know her own body. It can help the woman to open up sexually, and to learn to have an orgasm with a partner. 

What to do?

Find the reason! As mentioned before, the reasons can be within part of the process of self-discovery or a form of pain relief in the audial vector. How can you understand more about the audial vector? You can read about that in more detail in the article “Bringing up Audial Type Children, Recommendations to Parents.”

Dermal type boys, especially dermal-audial ones are those who masturbate less. An adult dermal man can masturbate at certain times. But his reasons are not the same as those of an anal man. He is slim and brisk, he is impermanent and noncommittal. The only thing he needs is a constant kaleidoscope of new feelings. Such is the sexual libido of a dermal man, including the one who is just growing up.

Ironically it is easier for a dermal type boy with his smaller and almost always sublimed desire to find an object for the realization of his attraction. He is adventurous, psychologically flexible, and he knows how to adjust himself to another person. Finally, he can also earn money. 

This is no less attractive for girls, in fact, this is even more attractive than a sexual potential, and she feels that he is capable of providing for his offspring. As for an anal man, especially an underdeveloped one with his inflexible psyche, he looks like a goof, who is not well adapted to life. 

If this is an adult man we can easily understand his desperation. 

Many things have already been said about the powerful non-differentiated libido. None of those things shows the suffering experienced by an anal boy. 

Such a child goes through pubescence early, he is muffled by the hormonal explosion, his desire accumulates, but social bans are strong. As we know, he divides everything into clean and dirty. He considers himself to be a “dirty”, “bad” boy. He is ashamed, but he still masturbates. 

Because ancient bans and ideas about perversion and the dangers of masturbation are stuck deeply in a teenager’s consciousness, this experience leaves many people with the feeling of shame and fear of the “circumstances”. Even though these boys know that masturbation is a mass occurrence, they are still ashamed of this “bad habit” and make a point to hide it. 

Here we face a whole bunch of undiscovered phobias, grips and fears. If an anal child also has a visual vector, a huge number of other fears can easily be added to his fear of shame. How often we can observe parents using awful up-brining means, such as scaring their child, “If you do that, you will get warts! Everything you have down there will get black and fall off! You will end up as an impotent man!” 

The fact that it is impossible to overcome this desire only adds to his problem. He is unable to stop masturbating no matter how hard he tries, when a teenager gets tired of fighting the habit, he loses, just like the billions before him (but he is not aware of that). This makes him doubt the value of his personality, especially his will and self-respect, and makes him perceive difficulties in his studies, as well as problems in his public life as the consequences of this “defect” of his. Later this will be the reason for any failed love. 

He feels bad, because he is doing something, that is “wrong” and forbidden, but he is simply unable to change it. 
All this can become a solid basis for onanofobia and the fear of women. Any relationship an anal boy ever has with women starts with his relationship to his mother. If he resents his mother, who didn't give the boy enough attention, he can have problems in his relationships with women later on, he may be unable to build harmonious ties with them, and he can experience resentment toward them as well. 

A well-developed anal man is able to sublimate his desire into writing, engaging in all kinds of creative work, he can also realize himself in his occupation. But even in such a case, this will most likely not be enough, and masturbation will not be enough for him either, because the anal libido is too strong. So, frustrations appear in such a person, the results of which can be for him to commit a crime. 

What to do?

If you are the mother of an anal boy, you should know that your son’s potential is that of the best professional in his occupation, as well as the “golden” father, the very “stone wall” almost all women dream of finding themselves behind. But, if he receives thewrong up-brining, he can become a crude rapist, a sadist, and even a pedophile. Take care of him, do not hurry him, and do not blackmail him with the feeling of guilt. 

Develop his natural inclinations, such as perseverance, the ability to get to the very essence of the matter. Allow him to research things, do not push him ahead; do not drag him away from something he is doing, when he hasn’t finished it yet. Determine whether he has any upper vectors, that give direction to your beautiful child’s interests, those vectors may include the audial vector, the visual vector, the oral vector or the olfactory vector. And give him the chance get the maximum possible development based on your findings. Remember, that his natural task is to accumulate information and pass it on, so, allow him to accumulate it and he will learn how to pass his information on on his own. 
 

Let us hear what is being said online about this itchy topic. Note, that this is being written by adults…

Here is the specialist’s advice:

“The question is, 'How to give up masturbation?' It is really not difficult at all. According to sexologists, it is necessary to just give it up once and for all, no dose lessening is allowed here. You should also temporarily stop thinking about sex. You should better direct all your energy to another field, such as hard physical exercise, or intensive thinking, that can help accomplish your goals. A human body has the incredible ability to rehabilitate. Because masturbation stands in line with such bad habits as drug addiction, smoking, etc. I In the beginning one can suffer from the so-called break-up. Such a state can point to the fact that the body is gradually returning to its normal state. »

(Of course I am not a professional sexologist. But I simply could not read any more after the words about drug addiction and smoking. Such a specialist that imposes those medieval views, adds a lot to the creation of many complexes and fears in people’s minds…. A sensitive visual child will wait with bated breath for the promised break-up he was expecting from the start. And have no doubts, he will definitely get what he was waiting for! Visual people are number one for having psychosomatic diseases).

And here is one of the many witness statements confirming the fact that the great advice to “give it up once and for all” does not work and cannot work at all:

«I have been constantly trying to give it up since I was 14, but I still have no success. I am only able to somehow stay away from it for a month, a month and a half tops, and then I give in. After that I feel as if I was trampled with defeat. And I do not know the reason, perhaps the mere fact that masturbating, which I consider to be typical either for kids (I think it is normal at 14, but not at 17 going on 18), or for losers, who are unable to find themselves a decent partner. Today I could not keep my promise and played with myself again. 34 days of suffering went down the drain again. I feel completely discouraged after so many unsuccessful attempts to give it up. I do not know what to do, I cannot live with it, but I am unable to give it up. What am I to do»?
 
(Yes, this is the impression one gets, one tries to quit masturbating as if it was the worst habit possible, the most dangerous for his health, like chain smoking. Only, differently from the smoking situation, here one considers himself to be a pathetic, unworthy person.)
Here is a bright example of how one withdraws within himself after stress. 

If we could go back in time, we would have most likely seen the fussy parents of an anal boy, who keep preventing him from finishing something he has started, from receiving the result he wanted to get. In addition, the parents did not praise him, did not give him their parental approval that he needed so much, they did not allow him to feel that he was capable of making good decisions. 

And later on we can definitely imagine the failure of his first sexual experience that was stuck with him forever, because first experiences are so important for an anal person! And now it is so easy for him to believe that he is incapable of anything, he is not even supposed to get himself a decent girl! 

And the reason of his failure is not masturbation at all. He will not be able to stay away from it, he will break down and he will once again consider himself to be a loser since he wasn’t even able to give that up. And this feeling will be projected into all spheres of his life. Then the frustration will come into play. Then… well you know what happens next. 

An anal man who did not have a partner for a long time, will have no other escape except finding a way to ease his tension with pornography. He is upset at the world, where he could not get a woman, he is upset at women themselves, so he gets more and more pleasure by watching “dirty” videos, where those no good creatures get what they deserve. And this gets him progressively further from the opportunity of creating a healthy relationship with a real life partner. This is the way that masturbation becomes the only way possible to ease his pressure, he does not need a woman any more, “why would he need to get in touch with those dirty broads?”, as for masturbation, it keeps getting more obsessive, which completely locks him into his own personal universe and becomes a total replacement for any sexual relations. All that would not have been so bad, if it wasn’t for his frustrations’ tendency to accumulate with time, creating way more serious problems! 

Here's more advice from psychologists:

(Again, the author makes her comments in parenthesis's)

In order to quit masturbation you need:

1) Do not touch (you know what...), this will never happen if you do not touch it! (Oh, yes, and then you will get to the point of breaking through and raping the lady next door!)

2) Do not think (you know what you should not think about), meaning do not fantasize, if you do not think about that, there will be nothing to torture you! (What if you look in a book and see THOSE THINGS there?)
3) Do not watch (you know what) Video, pictures, generally everything that is connected to that, everything that arouses and tempts you (You do not have to watch anything like that; you can just keep imagining those things about a strange woman (or man) you happen to see on the street…)

…Do not think, watch, dream, DO NOT WANT! What if I do want?! What am I to do?

Can you suppress your sexual desire? This is a human need similar to eating, breathing, drinking, and sleeping. No one, including yourself, can forbid you to want. There is no such power; it is our psyche that controls us, not the other way around. Generally, all this reminds me a lot of advice given by a crazy dermal-audial fanatic, who is being bitter, because he is unable to forbid himself to breathe. He doesn’t really need that; I mean masturbation of course. You would be surprised, but all the advice sounds the same. 

I am not mocking this at all, the situation is really critical for the people who find themselves in such a helpless condition! There is a personal tragedy behind every story like this, actually, maybe the story is not so personal any more. 
What to do?

Recognize your right to have your own personal desires. Masturbation is recommended to a lot of women with an unrevealed female side, so that they can discover their own bodies. Inability to accept masturbation is the first and a rather serious step to creating a problem out of nothing. Because of our up-brining, our cultural traditions, like “the absence of sex in the USSR” along with everything else which made a conscience absence of it. Only an ignorant, total ban gives birth to obsessive masturbation that makes an individual withdraw into himself and only prevents them from creating a harmonious sex life.

I often the see fear in the eyes that look at me
falling asleep within my walls is their destiny
they will forever freeze in my personal worlds… 
M. Gorshenev

Fantasies that accompany masturbation are a separate topic that is not easy either. Along with the desires of making those dreams come true someday. 

Accentuated fantasies won’t probably be a topic for discussion in the case of urethral and muscular types. The muscular type has a specific attitude to sex, it is important for such a person that everything be the way it is normally, there is no place for original experiments here. Thus, if a muscular person thinks about sex at all, he would only think about wanting it in general. 

Urethral type people never experience a lack of sex because of their nature, they do not think, they just do it! No urethral person has ever been stuck within any fantasy. And there is actually no sense in dreaming about things, that you have anyway.

As for an anal woman, she can receive an orgasm from fantasizing about anal sex if she masturbates. This is her secondary erogenous zone, the forbidden one. She can dream about this kind of sex, but she will never have enough courage to actually try it, unless she has an appropriate partner. 

Sexual fantasies, their type and direction depend on the state of one’s vectors. 

For example, if it is a masochistic dermal vector, this can be pictures with scenes of humiliation, bondage, violence. Dermal or visual-dermal women can imagine that they are being raped, as well as having sex with two or three men or even animals (a dog for example). This does not mean at all that such a woman would actually allow this to occur in her real life! 

Those are just fantasies, the arousal factor of novelty (dermal vector) and that of new pictures and new strong emotions (visual vector). However, not many people would be brave enough to even mention their secret fantasy to another human being, not to mention actually realizing it! 

When we have no idea about the internal mechanisms of human sexuality, we can be naïve enough to think that our fantasies are something extraordinary if they include anything that differs in any way from what is customary. In many cases we do not acknowledge the fact that we are far from being alone in having sexual desires with a twist to them. And that makes us withdraw within ourselves, hiding something from the rest of the world that could just give us a little satisfaction. 

On the other hand, when we cannot differentiate other people’s sexual desires, we are running an even stronger risk than trying to realize our own fantasies. We are the masters of our fantasies, but in reality we cannot control our partner’s reaction, as well as the situation as a whole. 

Thus the realization of fantasies often leads to discouragement, if not something worse. The misunderstanding of desires and the limits of what is allowed in this experiment on the part of sexual partners can lead to psychological damage and a real tragedy. 

The area of sexuality will always have a serious forbidden fruit taste, it is the very sphere of our lives where fears, clumsiness and lack of skill will stand in our way like nothing else. System typology of sexuality is an important step to learning not only how to realize and accept our own desires, but also to easily guess your potential sexual partner’s preferences and make this the basis for building a harmonious relationship. No fantasy, no pleasure given to oneself can ever be compared with the joy of self-realization within a couple! 

What to do?

Realize who you are. Understand the reasons and then solve the problem. 
You can say it is nice to reason in this manner. But what can I do about being a lonely person with an unspent libido?

Welcome to the training! Perhaps you cannot find your significant other, because you do not know who you need? “This is all wrong….all wrong… I do not understand what I lack…. Perhaps it’s me, am I inadequate in some way?” 

You are completely adequate. And you are worthy of an incredible relationship instead of just “simple movements”.

And in Conclusion a Few Words for the Parents of any Child

Masturbation is not just mechanics. It is not mechanical. It cannot be banned. There is no way to tie every arm and leg in question.

Every parent’s work is important here, serious work, nothing superficial. It is like vector systems psychology, which is based on the attainment of reason, not just the “curing” of the consequences. 

We always intend to help our child grow up as an established member of society. We want him to be in demand through his own properties instead of trying unsuccessfully to adapt to someone else’s. And we do not want our child to limit himself, withdrawing within his own body (in all senses).