Between Nature and The Red Button

I was sayin’ let me outta here before I was even born,

It’s such a gamble when you get a face,
It’s fascinatin’ to observe what the mirror does,
But when I dine it’s for the wall that I set a place.

I belong to the blank generation,
And I can take it or leave it each time

These people quite often utter thoughts about life’s senselessness, desperation, emptiness, sorrow, “existential crisis” and the black abyss inside. God died, there is no truth and existence is a complete absurdity. Their whole essence is penetrated with the numb question with no answer. There are a lot of kids like that, who at age of 15 are the old men not interested in anything. They experience heavy depressions, to escape they push themselves into alcoholism, drugs and hard music. These are not just simple words. Men of the previous generations achieved such states much later in life. They are not simple children nor adults. There is a peculiarity in them in some sense. People of the sick audial vector suffer even if they have all the earthy benefits, family, friends, love, etc.. Why?

What can the unsatisfied audial vector threaten with? What does the unsatisfaction of the audial desire mean for every audial person? What actually lives inside of them when they have this huge painfor no apparent reason? There are answers. How does it feel when the audial vector “hurts”? Where does egocentrism originate from? Why do they consume so many drugs and antidepressants? Why do a lot of people decide to commit suicide? What are the reasons they live the life of a recluse? Why do the quantity of mass suicides in cities increase? Finally what's the reason of the world crisis? How are all these things connected? How can we solve these problems for the future generations? What can be done with the complete emptiness and solitude of an isolated audial person?

It is important to know that the most people of the audial vector (especially without a combination with the visual one) never tell anybody about their bad states. They socialize very little and even if they do, they are very selective about it. 

"As a teenager I took pills a lot. It was like the people surrounding me were not perceived by me, like they were an illusion. I didn’t understand anything at all: who and where I was, things were confusing and vague. When I was a student I made a promise to myself that I would never talk to people or get out of the house. It seemed to me that my vow would provide me with the purest sense of feeling, but actually I felt extremely bad. I realized I had to go out, to take that first step on a physical level, but I didn't consider doing anyone on a mental level. Now I am about to explode with either spite or weakness. I feel terribly helpless and miserable. Like i'm floundering.

Indeed! If somebody told me about the audial vector, everything could be different.

Surprising amounts of pain and desperation seem to fit snugly into my head… Do you know how I felt when I heard about the audial vector? Like the inside of my head shook every time I listened about it. I hung on every word as it seemed they lessened volumes of my pain. I wanted to cry because I suddenly understood myself. All your life you live and know that no soul will ever completely understand you. All you have is pain and weakness! You want to get out. You think about how to keep going while also yearning for this time to pass quickly. You may have left some unpleasant states, but only for a short time as they always seem to come back again.

Otherwise the audial blockheads get high, kill people, blow things up and jump out of the windows. Its a played out story we can't stand listening to anymore. We're in a frenzy over it."

Surely, you have met these people before, or maybe your recognize these things in yourself. I am an audial person and it is very important to understand what it is.

What is the audial type? What is a metaphysic essence? What kind of a psychological mountain is behind the phrase “I am an audial person”? What does it mean to be a person of the audial vector? What are audial desires? Why are audial people potential geniuses in their childhood and degenerates in life's remainder?

They are arrogant from childhood and feel somehow that they're better than everyone else. I simply know that I was not born for the world. The audial vector is the peak of the vector pyramid. It possesses the biggest desire, which makes it a dominant vector. It is entrusted with the peculiar task of understanding the reason, essence, basic law of the universe, ego, etc. Only the audial type asks questions like, “What is life's meaning?”, “Does God exist and what is it like?” There is a strong desire towards cognition, their most powerful and abstract intellect all coupled with the consequence of their unrealization – which is the hardest failure to suffer. The hollow generation.There is a large gap between self-cognition and the red button. Audial types must find the balance between genius and insanity. The phrase, “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness” describes the audial people.

Every vector differentiates “me” (inside of a body) from the world (outside of a body). The rest seven vectors perceive the material world as outside. The audial vector perceives both worlds via the conscious and hidden subconscious. The external world (in the audial vector alone) is illusive and unknowable. By the way, it is only the audial person who separates the idea of they physical body from their ”me”. Audial’s natural task is to reveal their subconscious by means of their own consciousness, to find out what lives within them and designate it with a word, to understand the reason of existence. All sentences which start with “I”, show that there is something hidden from us behind it, audial types focus on this.There is something that makes them concentrate on it.Cognition occurs only one way, though utilizing both sides of their tympanic membrane i.e when they focus on the inner and outer sides of the world. In other words when they focus on the psyche of a friend (another person with the audial vector, on the physical projection of their metaphysic state which is hidden from us) the analyzer can get to know this hidden side. When an audial person is concentrated on the anxious sounds outside, complementary thoughts develop that build significant ideas. Outward concentration led to the development of thought and resulted in philosophers. The goal is to understand unphysical states through the audial types most sensitive organ, their ears. Note that sometimes this is referred to as their 'erogenous zone'. Knowledge becomes volumetric only while listening and hearing.

The audial people with their strong desire were at one time called “geniuses”. A poet, a musician, a composer, a physicist, a revolutionary, a writer, a spiritual leader, a philosopher or a even a surgeon. The audial man who concentrated on a singular thought was able to make impressive achievements due to his great abilities. Nowadays the audial people are still looking for answers to the oldest questions and trying to understand the purpose of existence. They search for it in books, philosophy, theology, physics, sects, ideas of social improvements, psychiatry, psychology, esotericism and even programming. They search for things that worked out in the last generations, but today it does not work for them. They do not satisfy them completely. Earlier they could be satisfied with both music and poetry, it is not enough nowadays because there is a bigger desire. It grew huge. Any audial child is potentially a genius. Substitutions for self-cognition,mentioned above, are not enough. Aching famine continues to grow no matter what they try.

Zwischen Mikrophon und Makrokosmos/Between microphone and micro cosmos
Zwischen Chaos und ohne Ziel/Between chaos and the purpose
Zwischen Plankton und Philosophie//Between plankton and philosophy
Zwischen Semtex und Utopie// Between semtex and utopia
Gibt es sie/They are there
Zwischen Genesis und sixsixsix/Between Genesis and number 666

Why do the audial people represent such problem today? The audial desire multiplied by egocentrism does not get fulfilled with a simple thought. Because the audial person, while simply concentrating on themselves, gets locked in egocentrism. I am an egocentrist by birth (I do not feel anybody inside). Both worlds are inside to me, so I am an introvert. I think I am clever and I have an abstract intellect. It is very problematic for me to accept that there is someone who is smarter than me. It is the aberration of perception. My own egocentrism is the wall which I must overcome, otherwise there is no way I can develop, and I will remain in an archetypical state.

Rather than focusing on the world outside of themselves, an egocentric audial person focuses inwardly. This way thoughts either do not develop or appear as pseudo-thoughts (that are often schizophrenic, like the thoughts that they are chosen by their god for some odd task, or the mass destruction of other bodies – fascism). However at the same time the desire to create a thought grows. Egocentrism provided with no thought, broadens and brings feeling akin to a brilliant mind. They gain an emptiness, which can be fulfilled in several ways. If everything goes smoothly, it turns into a depression. If the person withdraws into themselves being egocentric, they isolate their thoughts inside and feel like a genius,but this thought does not bring anything besides an insanely swollen desire. The more egocentrism increases, the bigger the feeling of genius becomes and the more the outer world moves away, becoming illusive and aimless; the connection to the world gets lost and a body becomes worthless. Potential geniuses turn into moral degenerates.

Perhaps you met these people, stuck in their own egocentrism that have not taken a monstrous shape. They are arrogant, believe that they are of great significance. They are neither people who have any spiritual achievements nor scientists of genius. Nothing. They do not understand when they take wrong measurements or realize that they're being led by false feelings. So very often, people say that they have a self-important feeling gone beyond the limit.

The outer world is a complete illusion for an egocentric audial person, it does not exist. There is only me and my god, nothing else. Egocentrism is also the reason to connect everything happening around the world to myself, they look for omens or premonitions. Quite the contrary, only the more developed audial people are militant atheists. It is them who refuse the concept of a god. Trying to find an answer about god, they say, “Quite simply, there is no god.” 

"To me walls say 'hi' again.
They lost their paint which now chases me.
They call it a shadow.
For me it is ennui.
I just do not fit into this city,
No way to make a home in strange mountains.
They see it as proud stupidity.
While I am drowning in woeful fountains.
Again hobos follow me.
I hold a piece of sky,
I nail
It is the flag I see.
To them its stars unveil.
I squeeze a handful of sun,
The remnants of a blue sky with salt.
They call it art.
To me it is the pain that takes me apart.
Some paint an empty road,
Some draw thoughts in the snow.
They call it God.
It is nothing, but Me, that I know."

If I do not direct myself outwardly, and get out of egocentrism, the outer world becomes more and more illusive, which often leads to moral autism or degeneration. Morality is connected to the outer world through culture. When the connection to it is lost, cultural limitations fall away. I failed in finding god and stopped feeling other people, thus there is no truth, I think I can do anything.

While I am playing computer games I am immersed in the illusion that entertains me. I make up false unemotional schemes, deprive somebody of life and it does not bring harm to anyone. According to the same pattern we begin to perceive the outer world as if we could get a gun, shoot people with impunity (moral degeneration) and experience no suffering at all.

Different approaches determine different outcomes when it comes to people of the audio vector. Examples to consider range from Einstein, Lenin or Hitler, all of which where members of the audial vector. 

Egocentrism's growth leads to a directly related growth in depression and suicides because the connection to the outer world is being broken. A suicide, the murder of a body, is committed by an audial person when they're desperate to find life’s meaning in the material word and decide to leave for the world of eternity through the “back door”. The audial suicide is the desire for eternal life, not death. They want to get rid of their body and fade into nature. Suicide is the result of losing the game against egocentrism. In the end they fail to execute their role.They bear a body only in order to understand eternity.

Why does the audial vector isolate themselves? The audio erogenous zone is their most sensitive organ and is able to catch the slightest vibrations. What happens when we join the world?

It is overwhelmed with sounds. They can only differentiate them from the sounds they heard while being in the womb. Consider the case if something thunders, crashes or somebody screams in their ears, for example, and mother whispers, “what an idiot, a complete retard, it‘d be better if I had an abortion at this point.” An audial child can attempt to avoid suffering, narrowing the audio perception canal, destroying his or her ability to study. They become autistic and select very special people to socialize with. The most of popular mental disease in the audial vector is schizophrenia. It is the negative fullfilment of the vector i.eneurosis.

Even if they do not become autistic, they begin to reject the people around them due to their seemingly irritating noise. Since the day of their birth they know they need something different in life; children, family, relationships, etc. are not among the things they look forward to. They will never bring satisfaction to this type. The audial person can completely reject society, ‘People do not understand me. No soul can ever understand me. I am solitary’. Actually there are 5 % of people like them, but they always feel alone, surrounded by egocentrism. The audial people even say, “All people are different, every person is unique.” as a way to justify their sense of self-significance.

Audial people are very fond of music: electronic, rock, alternative and new-age. Trying to guard themselves from the outer world, they begin listening to very hard music to put a dividing wall between them and the outside world. Listening to hard music is also aimed at the destruction of their neuronal connections. Pay attention to the people who get closer to the speakers at concerts: they feel much less suffering after severing the neurons in their brains. Later, their emptiness comes back, but their souls don't hurt as much.

The same thing happens when almost all audial people make attempts to avoid suffering by getting into drugs. All in an effort to tame their crazy, unfulfilled audial desires. They'll continue chasing imaginary pleasures, moving on to harder stuff to try and kill the desire. Drug induced trips of powerful intensity, levels their troubled minds and seems to stop the audial search. The fake feelings of satisfaction and peace come. It feels like, for a few minutes, they experienced eternity. Drugs are a dead end. All arguments that an audial drug addict can bring as a justification and an approval are an excuse for their failure to execute their innate role. 

"I don’t remember exactly when it started, but I felt a blackness and emptiness. I wanted to clash out of the reality. I did not want to sense myself. At 14 I started to read books on esotericism. I stopped going to school and started taking pills, my days were like vague dreams at 15 and 16, but my body did not hurt really. Everything was horrendously boring and unnecessary with the exception of music. I had been it’s slave and a big fan of complicated music for a long time. I don’t listen it much now. It seemed to me that I was expecting something, an opportunity to run away from the little boring town where I was born. Both teachers and classmates did not like me and even despised me, they thought I was a hooligan or something like that. After 9th grade I became totally isolated and always sat on the last row with a music player in my ears and drawing. Apparently, that made them think that I am a weirdo. Nobody understood me, nothing stirred my feelings, when I leaked into the city even the radio was choked. But nothing interested me, so I began to drink. I hated being at home; I locked myself in my room and did not talk to my parents. Twice, I was kicked out from university due to my stupidness, because I was at the computer for days and always drunk. The Internet was everything in my life; I wanted to know something. I read avidly all kinds of information on ecotourism and mysticism from millions of authors I drowned in them and interwove all that nonsense in my mind. I could not leave the house expect to get more alcohol. I had to start working though and started socializing with people like me from university. My only entertainment when I felt absolutely terrible and numb, was to cut or myself in an effort to force tears and get some the pain out.

The enormous loneliness and failure to understand what was going on with me was torture. I got confused more and more. My equally crazy contacts and I discussed all states of insanity, dreams and books. Being interested in related drawings, we read the books by A. Crowley, A. LaVey, R. Wilson; on thelema, UFO. We got carried away with revelations of angels, things like aghori and rare tantric sects. I had always been attracted to the idea of rock bottom. I strove to reach it. I made up different rituals and fantasies; I could not socialize with anybody, lost any connection to my parents, could remain silent for days at a time and lived only at night.
I managed to go back to the city where I studied. Everything radically changed there. My friends and I went off our path completely, not knowing how to fulfill our audial vector we started trying drugs. It had a snowball effect: going to night clubs, meeting with queer people who invited us to new sects and we brought more drugs. We did everything besides heroine, because we valued the stuff that could affect people's psyche. Acid is one of the most psychedelic. Indeed the drugs were very hard and could burn our brains for 20 hours. It lasted for two years, but eventually stopped bringing satisfaction and we wanted more; seminars on lucid dreaming, hippy fests, harder music and more radical sects soon followed. Almost nobody tore themselves away from these things. Some grew beards and either practiced zen or visited shamans on the Baikal for more enlightenment and some still did drugs. I isolated myself from my friends soon as well. Drugs did relieve the suffering but I got stuck in them and stopped telling the difference between the inner and outer worlds. I neither wanted to work nor study. I still liked music and sometimes played it after breaking off another relationship because of drugs. I withdrew into myself, and then it went on and on like this. I tried to deceive everybody to get money out of them, but nobody gave it to me. Drinking, drugs and the Internet, by that time my father had died and mother stopped giving me money so I had to move back home. Nothing made a difference.I It did not matter where I lived, or where I suffered. I could not see the light. 

Then I started hallucinating, I did not sleep, felt like there is someone in the room, had horrible dreams about my godmother and the devil, my dead father, my wardrobe and walls clattered. This was my introduction to audial visual fears. I could not stay alone in a room. Poltergeists were always after me they were even witnessed by the people. One night after smoking too much salvia I thought I was dying and rushed to my mother and fainted. I decided it was enough and I had to get out, I gave up, left everything that had tortured me. I plunged into a raw diet even, but the state of fanaticism did not leave me. It started up again. I went back to the city, but could not work or study. I slipped back to rock bottom again. Everything ended and nothing brought satisfaction." 

Audial people can easily murder because they do not value their own life. They can substitute self-cognition with the ideas of religions and sects. They are able to understand the surrounding nature in groups, overcoming egocentrism, broadening the canal of pleasure (light) for humanity; to execute their role using the huge range of opportunities of a global world. Audial people want to change, choking with emptiness, searching and hoping to find something. There are masses of information, studies, and new ideas not known yesterday. When troubled with not knowing what to do, they employ a simple strategy:search, find, try, fail and search again. If their desires are weak, they its possible to succeed and end the search. Freewill makes a sound like a calling for development for a spiritual man. Nature's knowledge is available and open today. Collective cognition can bring big results. The conditions of the modern world depend on the state of the audial people. While they are realizing themselves, it brings the sparkles of light to the world therefore the collective state of the audial vector determines the possibilities of catastrophes on many different levels: volcanoes, famine, nuclear war, etc.

Why do we say that System-Vector Psychology can satisfy an audial person? Does it really matter to them what vectors other people have and their meaning? How can it bring relief if they do not care about what is going on at all? The thing is, that by studying it, I, for the first time, could get out of 'myself'. I could focus on the outside world, concentrate on other people's psyche and thus direct myself onto the right path. I could understand the greater inner meanings. It was exactly what I was craving for. For the first time in life, I was at ease. Either you move towards finishing the soul's development or you walk away from it.

"Something compelled me to write everything about me. Mostly for the purpose of showing people what dreadful states you can avoid thanks to this training. Perhaps somebody doubts me, or recognizes some familiar things…there were some things I did not write about, but these are not important. 

I have never thought that there was something that could help me. When I found out about system-vector psychology I accepted it as just another crutch that I could use for a spell. I began to understand it slowly, watched introductory lectures, and now I'm very grateful to those who told me about it. I tried it on other people, I wanted to understand all about it and why people make so much of it. Finally I got it while I was at the peak of another gruesome condition. Even though I felt some sense of trust, some possible reason to resist taking another step toward bottom - I postponed the training. Later in that summer I stopped justifying myself when the pain continued and I made a decision. I started a new life, or rather I finally started to actually live a 'life.'. I had not known or understood anything, wasted all that time, triggered my favorite type of backlash and circled back around to the darkness, I had not seen any purpose or meaning in life up to that point. I didn't even know that I was searching for answers. I am very grateful for everything now. And while I have not learned everything, I'm confident that system-vector psychology is a way out for everyone at any level. It is a key to the new happier world!!!"

When writing this article information from the first level of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology was used. The things described in the article are the smallest piece of the volume which is given during the training. This kind of knowledge can be learnt only when heard.